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Life storytelling from Tinia of Lucas Farm, a former Vegetarian Homesteader

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Posted by Tinia on July 02, 2013

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Painkiller: It's more than a TV series

After 3+ years without anything published here, I'm watching Painkiller, the Netflix short series that came out on August 10th. I'm into the third episode. Watching it brings about PTSD like feelings. Heck, why do I say "like". . . It is actual Post Traumatic Stress from growing up in the late 1990s and early 2000s here in West Virginia watching oxycontin flood this area and leave a level of destruction behind no film can accurately capture. I don't think I can number people I know who have died, been addicted, recovered from, or been hurt by, that pill. Beyond that, it's taken over two decades for some muted version of the truth about how planned this was by a part of big pharma, how intentional it all was, and I can remember being 22, with a life already on the cusp of being ravaged because of that pill and what it did to so many I cared about, and already absolutely certain about exactly what was taking place. There are doctors, pharmacists, legislative mem...

The Dance: I sometimes wish, knowing what I do now, that I could appreciate wonder.

Maybe it IS good we don't know how it will go. Anything. I hate to think that could be true. But it must be. Here is a momentary backstory: I used to read voraciously. I don't now. Most of my life, I read and read. It was consuming. But I never wanted to wonder about what would happen in the end. I would skip to the few last pages, see how it went, then I'd read the whole book. Happy to just know the end. I still wanted to experience the tale; I just wanted to know to ending before the trip. Movies: I rarely watch them these days. I've always, without fail, wanted to view them with someone else who could tell me how it all ends. I said to my mom not long ago (. . .when I saw a list of traits of successful people. It said you should not lose a sense of wonder) "I don't feel or like "wonder,'" and it was no news to her. I mean that in all forms it presents its self. Most folks fi...

Grief, of a sudden

That moment where you were fine, then you're not. . . And your body feels heavy, like all of the life has just gone from it, but you want to jump up and run out the door to absolutely no where, and you're trying to breath normally, but you fail. . . and there are tears right there, but you work hard to help keep them from going no further than the cusp - Overwhelming sadness and missing someone and grief does that when it comes back all of a sudden. I hate it, but it does remind me of the most incredible love for a person. So there is that. Over 12 years later. . .and day to day, I got this, but then a life long friend of her's sends me these things I've not seen before now. Seeing photos I don't remember from the past makes it feel as if she shows up, real, for a moment, before the reality is clear again. . . A reality I work hard to forget and move on from continually. The thought process is, truthfully, a bit crazy, at best: "Look at that. The...

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