That is a broken record that will continue to play forever.

Happy Birthday. . .My darling sister.

But this isn't just any birthday. It is the 30th.

I have now missed the end of your teens and all of your twenties.

That is a broken record that will continue to play forever.

I've missed you at such a measure, all my babbling cannot ever explain it. All I can do is try.

There is a numbness that comes after losing someone like you were to me that makes all achievements,high moments and happy days less.

I've now lived so long without you, you are just a made up character, and the knowing of this, after all these years, may be what feels most painful of all.

I told the kids it was your birthday today, but what does that matter to people who did not know you?

A friend you met from a long time ago for just a few weeks recently stopped by your mausoleum on the way from Florida to Ohio, though, going hours out of his way. I think that reminded me that even if our memories become a bit of fiction as time goes on, at least I am not alone in having them. More importantly, I am not alone in believing you were something more than us all. A once in a lifetime in a sea of regular people. . .

I'd like to have you back, but since I cannot, I'll continue, as I have for so long, putting as many worthwhile things as possible into this life, always trying to fill a void that will always be unfillable at every single turn.